Today (….tonight really) is Tuesday, which means it is my day to write for the Tut’Zanni blog. So far, I would say this is the best blog post of the week.
To start out I would like to quote Allegra Libonati, she is a company member, a dear friend, a director, actor, creator and she snores. Her words of wisdom are these; “Blog posts are not for other people! They are for us.” With this as my inspiration I would like to point out that in general no one likes my writing as much as I do, and I am not that wild about it. Also, I don’t proof read and I don’t look back, so if you are big into format, you are really gonna hate this.
There are a lot of exciting things about being in a theater company. There are even more exciting things about being in this theater company because it is better than all the other ones. JUST KIDDING! (that is a line from one of our shows-Liam says it and it is really funny. Ask the other members of the company-especially Dory. Dory gets it.) It is exciting to travel, it is exciting to be with friends who are also collaborators, it is exciting to do things you are really bad at with people you really trust and it is exciting to not get a lot of sleep, because like I said before, Allegra snores (so does fucking Patrick). It is exciting to walk in a busy city with what feels like all you own in your arms because you are going to do a show in some dark, sticky space for maybe 50 people…just 5?! THAT’S JUST FINE! We will give you the show of a LIFE TIME! It is exciting to be with five other people on stage and feel like; if I do nothing else well, I am lucky to do this…at all. It is exciting.
Anyone who knows me well (talking to you Mom) knows that I am not good at doing things ahead of time, most preparation in general is a struggle. When I moved to Italy I started packing the night before at like 10 pm. When I was in college I once couldn’t get myself to study until the night before my first final, and then I slept through the final. A neighbor in my dorm was also in that class and she woke me up, after she had finished her test. I ran to the class room, crying, and begged to take the final and because it was a first time professor who I think just wanted me to leave-I was able to take it. I passed the class. It all worked out. My point is not that I am lazy; it is that I seem to have some block that simply does not allow me to prepare the same way some others are able to. It has been a struggle for as long as I can remember. To clarify, it is NOT relaxing. For the hours before I started studying for that damn final I was totally freaking out, but when I sat down to study I just couldn’t. Before I left for Italy I stared at my closet and at all of my crap but then I would look through old books, or find some old note I put in a box somewhere and NOT pack. I don’t know a better way to describe it…my brain wouldn’t let me. If I have a job interview, a rehearsal, something where I am accountable-I will be early, overly prepared, have done a test run to see how long it takes me to drive there and what the parking is like, somehow my brain will totally allow for that. I think it stems from being dyslexic. Stick with me on this…
When I was in elementary school and you had to read aloud I would count how many people were in seats in front of me so I could figure out, “ok, I am the third desk, the third paragraph is this one, I better proof read it and make sure I know how to say all these words.” And that is what I would do. I was so afraid of not being able to read one, or all, of the words that I would just read my paragraph over and over in my head before it was my turn so I had rehearsed it because I didn’t want to be embarrassed. That is what I do before a job interview or rehearsal-I figure it out for myself first so when I have to perform, I don’t look dumb (or late). But who wants to live like that ALL the TIME!? obviously not me, which is why I cannot do most things until I absolutely have to. This is important for the blog because it is why I am writing it on Tuesday night, and it is what makes Commedia, and the kind of improvised work we do, so good for me. If you are really being present and listening you can’t proofread in your head, you can’t wait for the last minute-you just get to be there, right there right then. You get to learn and pay attention and do something incredible with the audience. You get to be generous. You get to be humbled. You get to be scared and you get to be triumphant. It is exciting.
We are six idiots spread out all over the world, we are as close and far as any six people can be that really love and admire and respect each other. We are Tut’Zanni, and this is the end of my Tuesday blog post.
I love this picture because it looks like Liam looks really bored and like he and I are both sucking our thumbs and Allegra is falling asleep. #blessed